God Comics

Divine Meaning

The Ten Commandments have always seemed weirdly specific to me. If you're not familiar with them, here is what they actually say:

1. Be a monotheist. Specifically, believe only in the Jewish god of Abraham. He brought you out of Egypt. Yeah, you!
2. Don't make anything that looks like anything. Assuming you ignored part one of this commandment, don't worship the thing you just made.
3. Don't use God's name as a swear. I know you're wondering if rape and murder are going to make the list, but trust me; this is really important.
4. Don't work on the seventh day. Yes, I created the entire universe where your perception of time is largely based on your planet's position relative to the sun, and I exist on a plane outside of time, but the seven-day week model you've recently adopted is very, very significant to me. Honor it.
5. If you respect your parents, you'll live a long time on Earth. Loving children never die young, ever.
6. Oh yeah, by the way, don't kill anybody.
7. Don't cheat on your spouse. This commandment is only slightly less important than not murdering. It's one less important.
8. Don't steal. Whew! Just barely made the list!
9. Don't lie about your neighbor. I guess you can lie about other stuff; I dunno. I'm running out of tablet here.
10. Do not fuck with another man's ride. Do not fuck with another man's shit. Slavery is okay. Women are property.

I guess rape didn't make the cut after all. Sorry, I got a little carried away talking about myself.