God Comics

Divine Meaning

Big ups to my homies Kim and Nick "Nickmongo" Mongo for helping me decide which Pokemon to use. They are the very best, like no one ever was. Now, about this comic...

I try to veer away from the subject of abortion -- not just here, but in all aspects of my life. I decided a long time ago that it's none of my fucking business and that trying to change anybody's mind on such a touchy topic is fruitless and usually ends in shouting anyway.

Surprise! The age of social networking has arrived, and if you're anything like me you probably can't go two days without getting bombarded with impassioned rhetoric from both sides of the argument.

I still don't generally like to debate abortion -- mainly because it's a real downer, which makes it hard to crack jokes -- but I recently got involved in a little abobo volleyball with a Catholic friend of mine. Astonishingly, in spite of his passion (he's staunchly pro-life, in case you hadn't already guessed) neither of us ended up shouting insults at one another. Well, maybe he was. It was online, so I can't be sure, but I didn't get that impression. I of course whipped out my dick and rubbed it on the keyboard every time I made a bomb-ass point, but that wasn't directed at him; it's just a thing I do.

In the end, we both clung tightly to our separate stances and parted ways, but it got me thinking about the topic again. It dawned on me that what the Anti-Choice movement is really pushing for isn't the end of abortion at all. In their minds it may be, sure, but what they want isn't the end of abortion; it's a Law. History has already taught us that outlawing abortion won't make it stop. It will only make it illegal. What proponents of this hypothetical new law are really trying to create is a War On Abortion.

This war would be fought in very much the same way as the current War On Drugs: belligerent, discriminatory, and pointless. It would turn what ought to be a health issue into a criminal one, punishing those who break the law with imprisonment or worse. It would be a war on our communities and the women and doctors who live in them, and it would add fear and extreme danger to what is already one of the most difficult decisions any person has to make. The current GOP frontrunners are all pushing for this war. And yes, Ron Paul fanatics, he is too.

Now, this may all sound ridiculous to you, but just look at who's being targeted here. "Planned Parenthood" has become a term that conjures images of an Abortionplex. Like "Obamacare," the mere utterance of the term induces untamable rage for really no good reason. Yes, Planned Parenthood does perform safe, professional abortions, which is something it couldn't legally do if only we had a War On Abortion. Instead, the Sanctity of Life would be left to the mercy of black markets and rusty coat hangers, and the evil women who dared abort their precious gifts from God would -- assuming they survived the procedure -- live on in fear and desperate secrecy, lest they be put in Abortion Jail.

If you're Pro-Life, that's cool. I'm not trying to change your stance on abortion. But lay off Planned Parenthood. It's not what you think it is. You can get an abortion there, yeah, but in the immortal words of Jerome Allen Seinfeld, "It does other things!!!"